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Author: Sarah Jean Alexander

The Weather Report – April 27, 2015

Druid Hills, Atlanta, Georgia, United States High: 73℉ Low: 51℉ Sunrise:  6:54 a.m. Sunset:  8:18 a.m. Humidity: 56% Dewpoint: 51° Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous Partly cloudy throughout the day and mostly cloudy at night. Winds NNE at 5-10 mph. You should wear: something short and cool and a little sassy. You’re going to feel: like thinkin’ of someone nice. ☁ Walk a different route home tonight, one that takes five times as long and is extremely dangerous. Feel your skin in ways you didn’t know your body had the ability to perceive. Introduce lightning to your diet. Fake being...

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The Weather Report – April 20, 2015

Camden Town, London, England, United Kingdom High: 18℃ Low:  5℃ Sunrise: 5:55 a.m. Sunset: 8:05 p.m. Humidity: 46% Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent Mist and cloudy patches in the morning, generally clear at night. Winds ENE at 10-15 mph. You should wear: your body like a tight robe. You’re going to feel: like showing off to the wind, somehow. ☁ You notice the dotted pink markings across your triceps and try to solve their origins. Spread over your softest skin in tiny red-dot formation, wide like the aurora borealis, bright like the same. The straps of a bag heavy with ice...

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The Weather Report – April 13, 2015

Chinatown, Manhattan, New York, United States High:  68℉ Low:  57℉ Sunrise: 6:21 a.m. Sunset: 7:33 a.m. Humidity: 45% Dewpoint: 35° Moon Phase: Waning Crescent Considerably cloudy early in the day. Less clouds at night, followed by possible showers. Winds SSE at 10-15 mph. You should wear: clothes that help you remember your body. You’re going to feel: like silently sobbing until the next feeling, smearing tears across your face in an effort to help them dry faster. ☁ There are some types of floors that only appear at night. They are always new and changing. You drag your feet across...

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The Weather Report – April 6, 2015

Gulf Breeze, Pensacola, Florida, United States High:  78℉ Low:  67℉ Sunrise: 6:33 a.m. Sunset: 7:11 a.m. Humidity: 79% Dewpoint: 69° Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous Mostly cloudy skies. A stray shower or thunderstorm is possible. It is also impossible. Winds SSE at 10-15 mph. You should wear: a blanket outside. You could never regret this comfort. You’re going to feel: The first full moon of April is called the Egg Moon. Think about that as you watch it shrink. ☁ The thing about having a hurricane inside of you is that it is always swirling bigger and bigger and it...

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The Weather Report – March 30, 2015

Montreal, Quebec City, Canada High:  42℉ Low:  28℉ Sunrise: 6:39 a.m. Sunset: 7:29 p.m. Humidity: 66% Dewpoint: 28° Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous Rain and snow in the morning changes to rain showers at night. Winds S at 10 to 20 mph. Snow accumulations less than 1 inch. You should wear: no pants. Not ever. Eliminate all pants. You’re going to feel: less restricted but more afraid. ☁ If human beings knew how to be decisive, no one would ever fall in love. We would hop eagerly from person to person, smiling and screaming and expecting everyone to hear. We...

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The Weather Report – March 23, 2015

Waegwon, Daegu, South Korea High: 55℉ Low: 29℉ Sunrise: 6:27 a.m. Sunset: 6:39 p.m. Humidity: 23% Dewpoint: 10° Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent You should wear: the white clothes you packed away while waiting for winter to pass. You’re going to feel: quite invulnerable. Plentiful sunshine and clear skies.  Winds WNW at 10 to 15 mph. ☁ Some days we actively look for the end. Some days it seems easier than others. As you cross the street to reach the post box, you consider stopping. You consider stopping, sitting down, and waiting. Then you stop considering, reach the other side, drop the letter...

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The Weather Report – March 16, 2015

Wauwatosa, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States High: 71℉ Low: 36℉ Sunrise: 7:04 a.m. Sunset: 7:00 p.m. Humidity: 33% Dewpoint: 47° Moon Phase: Waning Crescent You should wear: one of those free shirts they give out for races, or charities, or start-up events. You have, like, a million. You’re going to feel: today, a lot. It is mostly bright outside and the air actually matches. You deserve it. Some clouds during in the late afternoon. Slight chance of showers at night.  Winds SW at 10 to 15 mph. ☁ You will come to terms with the constant existence of glass on the floor and the probability that...

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The Weather Report – March 9, 2015

Ravenswood, Chicago, Illinois, United States High: 47℉ Low: 37℉ Sunrise: 7:14 a.m. Sunset: 6:51 p.m. Humidity: 62% Dewpoint: 21° Moon Phase: Waning Crescent You should wear: new wool socks because yes it is still winter for the foreseeable future and probably for a few weeks after that. You’re going to feel: better now that I’ve warned you about the cold. Mainly sunny during the day and clear at night.  Winds SSW at 5 to 10 mph. ☁ Find what you love and do the minimal amount of work to get it to love you back. Once you’ve reigned it...

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The Weather Report – March 2, 2015

Muirend, Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom High: 10℃ Low: 2℃ Sunrise: 7:06 a.m. Sunset: 5:53 p.m. Humidity: 81% Dewpoint: 37° Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous You should wear: You will set fire to all your clothes, so go ahead and wear all of them now while you can. You’re going to feel: Waning settledness, but the moon is growing fuller. Snow showers will fall all day long, followed by sleet at night. Winds WSW at 15 to 25 mph. ☁ Here is a suggestion you may soon find helpful: Don’t howl at the moon. Scream at the sun in public and...

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The Weather Report – February 23, 2015

Wedding, Mitte, Berlin, Germany High: 8℃ Low: 2℃ Sunrise: 7:07 a.m. Sunset: 5:33 p.m. Humidity: 93% Dewpoint: 37° Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent You should wear: Is there anything a friend has given you? An old sweater, a too-small dress, an extra hat, a hand-sewn top. You should wear that. You’re going to feel: A constant squeeze from that friend, obviously. Breezy with showers throughout the day. Cloudy with breaks of sun. Winds SW at 15 to 28 kmph. ☁ You can be a cute cloud this week. Here, let’s try. In the morning you are dew and you are being kicked...

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The Weather Report – February 16, 2015

Boone, North Carolina, United States High: 20℉ Low: 13℉ Sunrise: 7:14 a.m. Sunset: 6:09 p.m. Humidity: 61% Dewpoint: -4° Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous You should wear: You don’t need to wear anything. You are not perfect but you are very close. You’re going to feel: Like sitting on the kitchen floor and drinking a stranger’s beer. Like materializing images without magic. Like holding hands after only three minutes. And then you will. Considerable cloudiness and chance of snow 100%. Winter storm warning until noon tomorrow. Winds SE at 15 to 20 mph. ☁ I think of you. Sometimes I...

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The Weather Report – February 9, 2015

Kenner, New Orleans, Louisiana, United States High: 73℉ Low: 45℉ Sunrise: 6:47 a.m. Sunset: 5:45 p.m. Humidity: 91% Dewpoint: 55° Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous You should wear: Prints of giant flowers. In pictures from the navel up, people will comment I love your shirt! You will reply Actually it’s a dress. You’re going to feel: A little sorry for yourself but it’s okay I promise. I am sorry too. Intervals of clouds and sunshine. Winds NW at 10 to 15 mph. ☁ In quiet times my computer boots up and you are still far away. You shut off the alarm. You put on...

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The Weather Report – February 2, 2015

Dayton, Ohio, United States High: 18℉ Low: 6℉ Sunrise: 7:45 a.m. Sunset: 5:58 p.m. Humidity: 77% Dewpoint: 8° Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous (and the full moon is tomorrow, don’t forget) You should wear: Something that will help you to blend in. I’m thinking a cotton-cashmere blend, a spandex-satin blend, or, if you are feeling particularly important today, a velvet-corduroy. You’re going to feel: Depending on weather or not (har!) Punxsatawney Phil sees his shadow, you will either have day-nightmares about being forced to stand in front of hundreds of ugly screaming people while they take your photo, or if...

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The Weather Report – January 26, 2015

Waitakere, Auckland, New Zealand High: 27 °C Low: 18 °C Sunrise: 6:31 a.m. Sunset: 8:37 p.m. Humidity: 61% Dewpoint: 33° Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous You should wear: More patterns. You’re going to feel: You know the feeling you get when you’re sitting on the toilet, shitting on the toilet, in a public bathroom, someone turns the doorknob from the other side, trying to get in. It’s locked, and even though you know it’s locked the blood still rushes to your face and through every tiny hook and turn in your ear, and you sit in a moment of panic as you try to cover yourself and become small. You...

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The Weather Report – January 19, 2015

Bolton Hill, Baltimore, Maryland, United States High: 42℉ Low: 29℉ Sunrise: 7:24 a.m. Sunset: 5:12 p.m. Humidity: 74% Dewpoint: 30° Moon Phase: Waning Crescent You should wear: The bones of your ancestors around your torso, if available (the bones). You’re going to feel: Sometimes you see a dog tied up at the corner of a store, looking through the window with pushed back ears and a worried face. Its owner doesn’t come back in the time between you noticing the dog and you walking past it. Plentiful sunshine. Winds WNW at 10 to 20 mph. ☁ In the Bolton Hill...

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The Weather Report – January 12, 2015

Chelsea, Manhattan, New York, United States High: 37℉ Low: 29℉ Sunrise: 7:20 a.m. Sunset: 4:50 p.m. Humidity: 78% Dewpoint: 26º Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous You should wear: Match the person you love. You’re going to feel: Spend all day searching for your twin inside of the human bodies you don’t recognize. A mix of wintry precipitation in the afternoon. Winds light and variable, WSW at 5 to 10 mph. Snow and ice accumulations less than one inch. ☁ In the tub, your legs swell to the size of fat logs, bulging logs, nearly translucent sitting under the bath water. You prepare for the beginning stages of...

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