How Lok’d Out Are You on “Regulators”?
MOUNT UP!
1. Warren G leaves his home at 8 p.m. in an automobile traveling 30 miles per hour towards 21 and Lewis. At 8:16 p.m., Nate Dogg sets out from a different location in an automobile traveling at varying speeds and with an undetermined final destination. He is attempting to locate Warren G but is momentarily distracted by various women. At what time will Nate and Warren meet?
A. 9:27 p.m.
B. Shortly before Warren is executed by several unknown assailants as the coda to an armed robbery.
C. 2χ over 7 minus 12.
D. Trick question. Two parallel lines will never meet in Euclidean geometry.
2. Warren G hooked a left on 21 and Lewis for all of the following reasons except:
A. To have sexual intercourse with multiple women.
B. To play craps with strangers on the street.
C. He was late for a business appointment.
D. He was just rolling and had no specific expectations about what would occur.
3. If granted the ability to fly, I would:
A. Avoid Spirit airlines.
B. Contemplate.
C. Regulate.
D. Deregulate price-fixing in the private sector and offer premium status to our brave service men and women in the military.
They have low fares but hose you on luggage fees.
4. Who is most likely to regulate on that ass?
A. Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole.
B. 213.
C. The FCC.
D. A precision pendulum clock.
5. What does we brings?
A. Those really good pita chips from Whole Foods. I love when people bring those.
B. Melody from Nickelodeon’s “Hey Dude”.
C. Melodies.
D. What your name is?
6. How late is it?
A. A tad bit.
B. We should probably be getting along.
C. I glance in the alley and I see my homey Nate.
D. Look at that dumper.
7. You’ve got a car full of girls. How is it going?
A. Uh, okay… I think.
B. Real swell.
C. That depends. What is the next stop and are those dudes really dead?
D. Jesus is Lord.
8. Before I got jacked I was:
A. Eating a two-for-one Arby’s fish sandwich.
B. On the same track.
C. Finishing my walk-out basement with my doubles partner.
D. Multiplying rubber band stacks.
9. Why should you back up, back up?
A. Because it’s on.
B. Because I need you to show me what you’re working with.
C. Because parallel parking is challenging enough as it is.
D. Because I just recently hit the east side of the LBC, and I can’t seem to locate my associate Warren G.
10. What’s the optimal way of improving the so-called G-Funk Era?
A. Just a little more pepper.
B. Cut out carbs.
C. Step one: cut a hole in the box.
D. Funk it out with a gangster twist.
11. Nate has:
A. Intimacy issues.
B. A 2007 Chevy Lumina.
C. The freaks.
D. Computed the surface area of “dat ass” using a technique of Leibniz.
Erstwhile President Warren G. Harding. Not the same dude.
12. Warren’s wealth consists of which of the following:
A. An employer-sponsored 401k.
B. A first pressing 7″ of the Super Bowl Shuffle signed by William “the Refrigerator” Perry.
C. His rings, Rolex.
D. Equity from his primary residence.
13. Which of the following can be considered ‘known facts’?
A. The JD Power assessment of a 1992 Dodge Stratus.
B. Alternating currents is a bad idea.
C. Nate got the freaks.
D. Swedish pop phenom Ace of Base released their international chart-topper “The Sign” to a hungry audience in the swinging summer of 1995.
14. What would compel someone to step to this?
A. You don’t wanna. Seriously. Don’t.
B. A signed copy of Jewel’s “A Night Without Armor” (Doubleday).
C. Weed.
D. Dat ass.
Answer key:
1: B, 2: B, 3: B, 4: B, 5: C, 6: A, 7: B, 8: B, 9: A, 10: D, 11: C, 12: C, 13: C, 14: A.
Gregg Murray is an Associate Professor of English at Georgia State University and the editor for Muse/A Journal. Having received his Ph.D. in English from University of Minnesota, Gregg has published scholarship and reviews in various magazines and journals. He is also a poet and the author of “Ceviche.”
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