Never Can Say Goodbye
Luckily I don’t have to. Okay so I’m really trying to get my thoughts together for this final post. I mean, in a few days I’ll be heading to New York, starting my first classes as an MFA candidate… laying the foundation for world domination. You know, no big deal. According to Chani and the amazing tarot reading I received this summer I am on the precipice of some powerful juju. This is such an exciting time. And it’s been a rough summer in some regards… doing the work of healing, the work of letting go of people and things that proved to be harmful.
One thing I’ve been thinking about is if I accomplished what I set out to do here. Let’s see, I definitely wrote about my obsessions. I remember seeing the movie Welcome to Me around the time that I started this column and for better or worse I was inspired by Wiig’s Alice Klieg. I wanted to challenge myself to be vulnerable and emotionally honest even when it was uncomfortable. To say things that I meant even when I was afraid to. I don’t know why, but I have this strong desire to be transparently myself at all times.
As many amazing things that are happening and about to happen, I’m still the captain of the strugglebus. I’m scared. I’ve never made such a big trip alone. To move to New York. To go to Pratt. My main mosquito like fears clamber for attention What if I ruin everything. What if I can’t do this. What if I fail in the biggest way possible. But I think we all know these fears and doubts are just residual, leftover from a time when I didn’t realize how powerful I was. It’s easier than it’s ever been for me to brush those nagging anxieties aside. But harder and even more terrifying is fully embracing that visceral gut feeling that’s shouting, I’m about to rock this. It’s going to be amazing. I’m cool and people genuinely like me. I’m surrounded by people who love and support me. All my dreams are coming true.
I’m not really sure what else to say. So I’m just going to get to this week’s Lonely Britchlist
- After much deliberation I finally figured out what to do next here at Real Pants. I’m definitely going on hiatus. But the good news is I’ll be back this fall to do a micro column called What’s the Tea, which will run biweekly from October to February. A second season of Lonely Britches will be back in May. But for those who can’t wait til May for tearful slut times I set up a TinyLetter. I’ve been kind of tightening ranks on Facebook, I really prefer that space to as intimate as the platform will allow. But there are definitely social media spaces that I’m more comfortable having public profiles on. If you want to connect with me on Instagram, Tumblr, or This. feel free. I rarely use my Twitter but it is a locked account because white men on the internet. And subscribe to the TinyLetter, I made it especially for you.
- I’ve been running a GoFundMe campaign to move me and my stuff from South Bend to Brooklyn. I’m happy to say that at this moment the campaign is two thirds funded. I should be able to leave South Bend this weekend and arrive in New York just in time for the first day of class at Pratt.
- I’m the new Chapbooks Editor at Horse Less Press! If you can’t tell I’m absolutely ecstatic.
- One of my scarves was chosen for the SB150 Artist’s Gallery at the Near Northwest Neighborhood here in South Bend. I consider this a huge honor and I feel like I’m able to leave something special (kind of like a horcrux) behind in the city that has been my second hometown.
- Weekend before last I went to Shelbyville for Tyler’s ordination. He’ll be working for the Presbyterian Church in Zambia and Manhattan. I’m so proud of him and excited to see the things he will do in the world. We need each other.
- I’ve been enjoying the time I’ve gotten to spend with the MFAs. Chris and I had a great time reading each other’s poetry and playing Exploding Kittens. Nichole spent my last work day in the studio with me. I got to chill with Chris Muravez now that he’s all settled into the bend. And I’m spending my last week with Alethea and Sam who are the most adorable and chill people to be with.
- MattCap and I went to see Peter Hochstedler play a house concert Monday night. We went to Cambodian Thai for dinner first. I had the Masamam curry with catfish and eggplant. The entire evening was a pleasure. I’m so glad that I got to see Peter play live before I move to Brooklyn and I’m so excited for the start of his MSW at MSU. My first reading for Dream Machine was a collaborative concert with Peter performing his album Necrobisect and we basically rocked South Bend’s face off.
- This article. This series of articles. Also if anyone has been wanting to try the site This.cm lemme know, I have invites.
- MCAG has been tearing it up this summer.
I think I finally phoned it in. Thank you my lonely britches, with you I’m just as tearful as ever but a lot less lonely. Tata for now, my lonely tearful ones, this is for you.
Sade Murphy was born and raised in Houston, TX. She is the author of "Dream Machine," a poetry collection.
Latest posts by Sade Murphy (see all)
- Never Can Say Goodbye - August 19, 2015
- I Feel Precarious - August 5, 2015
- Upside Down and Inside Out - July 22, 2015
