Spell to Cure What Ails You

You just pulled a muscle by being stressed out. You didn’t know that could happen to people. But you were holding your muscles so tight that you strained them, and now your body hurts in weird places. You try to make yourself relax, but you have so many aches and pains you’re worried you might be dying. Another symptom of note is that you’re tired. Dead tired. But that’s probably just because your brain keeps being like, “You’re such a joke,” and it’s exhausting to laugh this much. At work you drink coffee to feign a sort of professional enthusiasm, the requisite we’re-not-paying-you-to-be-catatonic amount. But then all the coffee makes your atoms want to vibrate away, and it’s happened — you’re an inhospitable environment. But you hold your body real tight so they don’t escape, and next thing you know, your kidney’s hurting. Not again. You’re massaging your organs. You’re contemplating cell decay. Are you supposed to be getting regular physicals? Is there a benevolent force in the universe? You keep thinking about starving children. Literally millions of babies are crying right now. You just ate way too many french fries. None of this seems okay to you. It’s either indigestion or a heart attack.