The Ten Best Art Pictures from my Art History Class
10. Judith Beheading Holofernes.
This picture is off the easel bro. I showed my boy Danny and he was like, “yo it’s aight” which means it’s pretty good. After this list, let’s go to the gym.
9. Federico da Montefeltro.
Shit is sick bra. Look at this maestrodamus. You know he lifts. Piero della Francesco dog remember the name.
8. Giovanni Arnolfini and His Wife Giovanna Cenami.
Jan van Eyck is fucking re-dick-you-liss. This painting is insanitization of the like province and whatnot. Every town square should have this in it, are you down with the sickness that is that mirror shot. What would also be cool is if this whole picture was actually a reflection from someone’s Yeti.
7. Mona Lisa.
This is overrated but it still gets #7 on this list. That’s how sick this jam is. This would be even cooler if she was wearing a Tapout shirt, but they probably didn’t have those in like 1980 or whenever this was taken.
6. Baldassare Castiglione.
Raphael. That’s all this guy’s name is.
5. Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Albrecht Dürer was amazing bruh. Our professor said that one dude started copying Albrecht Dürer wood carvings to sell and make bank, and this was even signing motherfuckin A.D. on his own pieces. A.D. sued him and didn’t win because this was a long time ago but still don’t step to A.D.
4. Hunters in the Snow.
PB didn’t give a fucking shit. Sick. Super sick. He was eld as fuck because he was Peter Brueghel the Elder.
3. Jolly Toper.
This is jolliest shit I’ve ever seen. That’s why he’s tres leches. Number three chief. Maximum guac.
2. Erasmus of Rotterdam.
Yo this picture of Erasmus is INSANE. I get that some people would want Peter Bruegel the Elder to snatch the two spot from the Younger. Haters. But Broy George ain’t shit compared to Desiderius [editor’s note: this joke is apparently based on the pronunciation of Bruegel as “Broygull”]. Welcome to Rotterdam Brosario Dawson.
1. Maids of Honor.
Velázquez. That’s Vell-AHH-skayce, prof said. Fight me.
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